WOW I HAVENT WRITTEN IN THIS THING FOREVER SORRY GUYS!! i just wanted to ask all of you if you would please be praying for me i am not where near the lord like i should be and i just need some people to help me realize what i am doing so wrong... i need to be with the lord again and i know only he can help me but i need your guys help also

<3 Kimmy

dont you ever wish you could take everything back? and just start all over? like you had one of those giant erasers and when something bad happens you can just go and say screw this and get rid of it... sometimes i wish i could do that with my past.... just erase the whole thing and be done with it... sometimes i dont even want to exist... why should i... no one notices right?  This whole commitment thing is just getting to me... each day i progress to do worse and worse like im trying to rebel against out lord and i dont even know why... i want to be in control and i know i cant be.... i just want things to go my way for once with out having to think who it does and doesnt affect and i know that is sooo incredibly selfish but i dont care i just want one day where everything is exactly the way i want it... i worry to much and i know this and i cant help it i dont know what is wrong with me but obviously something is... who the hell feels this way honestly.... i just wanna stand up then sit down and say im done i quit i dont want it anymore and i wanna be gone...i guess i just wanna be happy again...i just feel so alone even with the lord on my side...im just left out... i dont feell like people understand me or even want to or even want to get to know me... im weird and i know this and others i dont think get that... im not "normal" i have issues i need to deal with and they do reflect the way i act day to day and i feel like people dont understand that right now my life is a rollercoaster and i dont know where it is going or where it is going to end... its just crazy...i dunno maybe im just crazy

yup, Kim

Well where do i begin im sitting at home bored outta my mind and then sanne tells me she needs to talk to me about some things... im not the type of person that takes that really well cause i dont know what i did wrong... or if i did do anything wrong and it just really scares me i dont think i want to go out to eat with her anymore i guess i feel trapped and confused and possible convicted of something that i dont even know about... all i know is that kim wont be getting any sleep tonight let me tell you that right now... also i do suffer from a very high anxiety disorder i was diagnosed with it over a year ago and they doctors think it developed from my past... so when people say we need to talk or mention something like that with out even finishing what they are saying it really gets me nervous and anxious... my hands sweat i do break out into a fever and i feel hot and im really edgy and uncomfortable... so im asking all of you this as a huge favor if you ever need to talk to me please talk to right when you say you need to or else i get really scared and it drives me insane... i take medicine for it but its still pretty bad but please dont say something like  "hey kim i need to talk to you can we set up a day to talk" yeah dont do that to me or else i will probably have a nervous break down because i will worry about it way to much well now that ive practically worked myself into a fit about tomorrow i am going to go have a good night everyone i know mine will be filled with thoughts and a long night ahead

~Kimmy-Lu

Hey everyone i am over at abby and sannes house right now im having a blast!! we are going to babysit the kids tonight and just watching some movies or something. Tomorrow abby goes to spirit mountain so she wont be at church which kinda sucks but sanne will be there and i think i will finally go to the in his steps meeting i have been soooo busy with work and everythig that it has been really hard to make it and i just wanted to apologoes to everyone who goes because i havent really been following up on my side of the commitment.  yesturday we watched Heidi Holt at 3 degrees and i ended up going to the hospital cause i was having super bad chest pains and back pains and it hurt so bad to breathe.  The basically said that i had had a panic attack and i didnt doubt that for a min because i have been so stresed out lately and just so caught up in everything that i dont even sleep that much anymore this has been a real wake up call for me tho and now i am re arranging my life so i can better apply myself to the lord and basically be able tolive day to day with out feeling like im staring at the back of my eyelids!! well everyone ive been on for too long now and im just rambling on! hope everyone is well!

KIMMY

Hey hey everyone is valentines day!! GROSS BOYS SUCK!! lol j.k but i guess i never really knew what it meant for valentines day to suck well now i do haha! anyways today is my first day at OLD NAVY!! haha wish me luck everyone and pray for me! no i wont get you discounts so dont ask! haha well anyways the singles valentines thingy went well the other night at the bowens house... we watch Notebook and i cried my eyes out lol and i never cry what is wroing with me lol ...we all pigged out at the Cheesecake Factory and i have some chicken thingy that over filled my plate and i could barely eat even half of it... i think everyone had a doggie bag from that night! but anyways ill talk to you all later! god bless

-kimmy